Living and traveling abroad during my twenties has definitely shaped me into the person that I am today. It may sound corny, but I’m so grateful for the experiences I’ve had. Now that I’m in my thirties, I’m slowing things down and finally processing what the heck I did and how I got to where I am right now; living a digital nomad lifestyle with two backpacks and being completely location independent. 

Why did I wait until now? Honestly, back then I was just living in the moment and tackling the challenges that were in front of me. I can look back and remember each year, each month, every laugh and every moment that left me saying “what?”  On the surface, you can see a happy and vibrate girl living abroad but on the inside, I was battling (or at least trying to) with heartbreak, disappointment, and so many insecurities that I didn’t know how to deal with them. 

These past 8 months of constant travel have given me a lot of moments to just sit and reflect. It hasn’t been easy but I started writing my thoughts down as a way to process and self-heal and then that turned into sharing these personal stories with strangers during my travels. It was therapeutic for me in ways that I didn’t expect. I meet people with stories that could relate to mine.

So, like everything else in my life; why not throw these stories online? These past 3 years of blogging I’ve created this small digital family of people who follow my travels, laughs with me, read my tips, and it has been a HUGE support system for me. So it’s time for me to finally open up, even more, and this time with no limits. 

This is about life in my twenties 

If I had only one word to summarize my twenties, it would be “fearless”. I always went with what my ‘gut’ was telling me. I wasn’t afraid to fall in love, I wasn’t afraid to come to Chile, I wasn’t afraid to make new friends, I wasn’t afraid to speak Spanish. I just reacted to everything that was presented in front of me and then I dealt with whatever happened after eventually. 

For the most part, my gut was always right.

At 20, I fell in love with someone who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I saw him, we talked for 5 minutes and I knew that he was going to be someone who would change my life forever. Little did I know, that this relationship would eventually force me to make another fearless decision of moving to Chile in 2010. Our relationship officially lasted 3 years but it took me a total of 8 years to finally get over it. Yes, it seems like way too much time to dedicate so much energy to one human. 

Now that I can look back not angry, hurt, or blinded by love, I can see why I needed those 8 years to recover. However, my recovery wasn’t spent eating ice cream and watching Netflix all day. I moved to South America and Chile was my choice of country to get over this relationship. 

Surviving Chile was my new focus.

My Spanish was pretty fluent but I needed to learn how to speak Chilean Spanish. That’s a whole different ball game, cachai? Within two weeks I was volunteering. I figured out how to take public transportation and I learned how to drink piscolas. I was newly single, I was having lots of fun. I made amazing friends. I taught English classes to make some cash.  Anytime I could get away from the city, I was on a bus or a plane discovering something new. 

Ladies let me tell you something; if you’re thinking about traveling to help you get through a break-up, DO IT. 

It wasn’t always fun and games, I missed home a lot. I missed him a lot. Being away from what you’re comfortable with definitely has its challenges. I’ve had to learn how to deal with things on my own. I’ve also learned that while my problems may have felt like they were going to be the end of me, all of them had solutions. I also realized that I’m one lucky person. I definitely have white privilege, passport privilege, and so many opportunities that a huge percentage of the world doesn’t get. I remind myself of this every day. 

Coming back home was definitely even harder.

I never thought that reverse culture shock was a real thing, but it is. I realized that I was the problem with this feeling. I had changed, I wanted more. I wasn’t connecting with people. I had so many mixed feelings but my gut was telling me to leave. I even tried to get back together with my “love” but it didn’t work. We were still mad at each other. He was mad that I left him, I was mad that he made me leave.  I lasted 7 months home before coming back to Chile. 

The years between 2012 and 2015 flew by. I completed a Master’s degree in Marketing from the University of Chile. I continued teaching English and I even dated. I was in a 2 ½ year relationship with a Chileno. We had met in a moment that I personally think I wanted to test if I was even capable of being in a relationship. He was wonderful, kind, funny, and we supported each other while we were trying to finish our degrees. We had fun together, we understood each other. It was comfortable. Our relationship ended once we both started working and had more differences than agreements. I’m grateful for that relationship. I tried dating other Chilenos, and well…that’s a whole other post for another day…

2015 was a hell of a year in such a good way.

I was working, I had my own apartment. Always with people in the house, always something going on. Lots of friends, lots of partying, just a lot of fun. Towards the end of that year and the beginning of 2016, my mind started wandering and thinking about everything. By this time I was 29. I thought about what would have happened if I didn’t come back to Chile in 2012 or If things would have worked out with this “love”. I completely freaked out. 

Moving back home: 

Part of me felt obligated to go back home and figure out of those ‘what if’s” and why I was freaking out. I guess it’s that stupid thing called “society” that forces you to make decisions that you think you want because you’ve been told you want them. I had to finally “settle down”. But, when it comes down to actually making those big life decisions, I woke up and said: “I want more”. 

I learned that I had to go through all of this to finally figure out what that “more” meant.

I started my travel blog to help start this process of healing and figuring out that “more” by helping others visit places that changed my life for the better. I wrote down my personal feelings, like all of this word vomit your still reading, in a journal and I knew that eventually, it was going to part of the process to share this with you. 

I’m sure you want to know what happened with that “love” right?

I reached out and told him that I was home for an undefined time and that I wanted to see him. It took him forever to get back to me and he didn’t know what to say. I knew he was in a relationship so I wanted to be respectful of that. We eventually did meet, we were both nervous, but it was great because I think we both had a chance to have that “closing” chapter in our relationship. It really was a bittersweet moment.

He was my biggest love and he really did change my life forever.  During my time back home I realized that he was going to be one of those loves that I will always cherish, I will always remember and that I will always love. Sometimes you’re not meant to be with these types of “loves” and your better off just learning from these types of relationships. I know that I will find another love and that love, will be the best love.  

So, Now What?

I started my 30’s right where I belong. In Chile. Being my own person, discovering what makes me most happy. I don’t have everything figured out, I still make lots of mistakes, but I’m finally willing to own them and make them be a part of who I am. I carry my twenties with pride, with no shame, and with lots of love. That “more” is becoming clear to me each month I’m on the road. I love writing and I love that I finally shared this with you. 

I haven’t figured out my word for my thirties yet, but soon enough I will. 

Remember, when you give good you get good.